Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
