Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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