im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
