I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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