I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
