I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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