Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
