Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
