i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
