she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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