Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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