It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize