I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
