So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
