At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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