Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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