Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
