yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
