If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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