Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
