just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
