There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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