I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
