Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
