when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
