don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize