At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I AM VODKA MAN
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
