I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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