6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
