i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
