bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
