I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
