So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize