Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
