Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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