Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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