I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
