You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
