At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
