You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
