Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
