Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize