Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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