my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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