chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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