She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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