i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it glows. i had to have it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
