I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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