i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
