In America we eat man semen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
