Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
