Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
