I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drunk is not a location!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
