What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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