Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
