you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
