u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
