i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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