Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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