Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
