this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
