I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize