the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
