How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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