i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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