Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
