Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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