So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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