He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
