her vagina looked like bernie madoff
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
