we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
