Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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