when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
